There have been some games in the past, like AssKickers or Duke Nukem Forever, that have insulted us and our intelligence in more ways than one. Postal III manages to trounce even them in that area. While there was still some amusement and fun to be found in the aforementioned titles, Postal III is an outright disgusting, broken, boring game that will maybe even put you off “mature” sandbox titles for some time.
The game starts with the titular protagonist, Postal Dude, moving on from Paradise to a new city, Catharsis. As he is passing through the city, he runs out of gas and his car breaks down, and the game basically follows his as he tries to get gas into his car and move on. it’s hard to put into words just how retarded and dumb and outright asinine this story is. I mean, we’ve seen some pretty dumb stories and motivations for protagonists in the past (Duke attacking the villains because they abducted some girls he was about to have sex with), but seriously? This insults our intelligence.
The first few missions set the tone for what the game will be like- disgusting, crass, over the top and mindless. You clean porn store floors, vacuuming up “used” tissues. You take monkeys that are infected with AIDS and have them hump your foes’ faces. Throughout the game you see angering and annoying stereotypes- fat nerds want good action figures, Asian restaurant owners wear conical hats and wield machetes. You come across gay cowboys, dirty hippies, Talibanis that are working with Americans, and all the while, the game tries to shock and awe. However, it only manages to disgust and repel.
You can kill people, chop them to pieces and then actually pee on their remains. You can alternately bathe them in gasoline and light them on fire. You can pee on and burn anything in the game. And while there’s some mischievous fun to be had with this mechanic, it gets boring and repetitive very, very soon.
This is just the tip of the iceberg. THere are some moments that can bring a smile to your face, but this game is so crass, so in your face, it can even put games like Bulletstorm and Duke Nukem Forever to shame. Surprisingly, though, this outrageous nature of the game isn’t what makes it so bad. A few cold hearted people might still be able to handle that. What’s most annoying is the broken, buggy and glitchy gameplay side of things.
The AI is downright stupid. They just stand there, shooting at their enemies one at a time, then walking again, then stopping again, then shooting again- and they mostly miss their targets. It’s like Resident Evil, but without the awesome aiming. One bullet through an enemy can kill it. This results in a very unbalanced nature, and inconsistent difficulty. You can mow down waves of enemies at times, but if the enemies do hit their target- you-, you die almost instantaneously. They also come in huge, gargantuan waves, and if you ever kill an ally by mistake (or intentionally), their numbers double. It seems so inconsistent and so unfair, and it doesn’t even let you use all your weapons properly- in fact, you regret using your weapons at all.
Which is a shame, because the weapons loadout in Postal III is about the only good thing in the game. Weapons like a crazed, hungry badger attached to a harness, psychotic cats, a bee hive or a pepper spray are some of the best, most hilarious, most creative weapons I’ve seen in a long time, and other like flamethrowers, shotguns and normal guns are generic, but still fun to use.
Hit detection is pure, though, so you never really get to make full use of these weapons. The controls are also sticky and broken, and can take some time to get used to.
There are also a ton of other glitches- you can get stuck in the geometry, the game crashed several times, forcing you to restart, sometimes a mission doesn’t trigger at all. Then there’s the fact that loading times are excruciatingly long, usually taking up to as long as 2 or 3 minutes to get done with. Every time you die, start up the game, start a mission or enter a new area, the game loads, and it takes away from the experience greatly.
The visuals of the game are outright pedestrian. Technically, we’ve already established that they’re buggy. There are jaggies everywhere. the textures are bland, character models stupidly built, and art style is uninspired. Frame rate can stutter, draw distances are not impressive at all, and there are a lot of pop ins all throughout the game. The audio side of things doesn’t help- the music and voice acting are absolutely atrocious.
By this time, I think you’re pretty much convinced that Postal III is a horrible game that is a waste of your time, and more than anything else, an insult to your intelligence and sense, as a human and as a gamer. There is absolutely no reason for anyone to buy Postal 3, non at all. Unless you want to kill yourself as painfully and excruciatingly as you can, of course.
This game was reviewed on the PC.
Humour can be mildly amusing a couple of times throughout the game; Weapons loadout is creative
Terrible graphics with countless technical hiccups and horrible art style; Story is mindless and retarded; Terrible, broken, unbalanced gameplay; A bit too in-your -face, some of the scenes will have you cringing; Asinine situations that are absolutely unbelievable; Lots of game breaking glitches; Poor AI; You never really get to use the truly creative weapons much; Broken controls; Bad voice acting; Poor music; Terrible character models
Everything Postal III does, it does with disastrous results. Stay away from this game, it's an insult to your intelligence.