1. Corvo Atano
Likeness: 2/10 – a hideous abomination closer depicting a sad, mechanised Voldemort.
Position: GK
An excellent shotstopper, owed to the fact he can stop time. The ability to summon plague rats can also put opposing strikers off.
2. Jesse Pinkman
Likeness: 10/10 – an uncanny resemblance of Cap’n Cook himself. Bitch.
Position: left back
Former incompetent meth producer turned nippy wing back. Loves magnets.
3. Dr Who
Likeness: 6/10 – appears to be crying blood, resulting from a botched regeneration
Position: central defender
Profile: Played for Leicester City, Nothampton Town and Nottingham Forest’s youth teams. Also, has use of a Tardis.
23. Creeper
Likeness: 8/10 – somehow more sinister than a real creeper; looks like most cosplayers.
Position: central defender
Very aggressive, amd liable to explode if provoked. Learned his trade at Stoke City.
6. Martin Walker
SPOILERS
Likeness: 7/10 – Doesn’t wash.
Position: right back
Completely out of control, devoid of morality and a husk of a human being. Club captain. See: Kevin Muscat.
