Top 10 Moronic Heroes in Gaming

3. Prince Arthas

The sword has a face. How could it not be cursed?

Sometimes you wish you had more control over the way your heroes act. Such a moment occurs in the human campaign of Warcraft 3, as we have to watch Prince Arthas fall from grace to become the evil lich king. His moral demise includes one particularly idiotic moment where he seeks out a legendary blade called Frostmourne. I may not be the world’s greatest fictional sword expert, but I’m pretty sure that the word Frostmourne translates as “this sword is quite clearly cursed, so back off you massive gorm.” Some people really need to look before they leap.

2. Mario

Rookie error right there

A cheap shot maybe, but think about this one for the moment. There’s the obvious shout about Mario never quite getting the princess after a million and one rescue attempts, but there’s more tomfoolery afoot in the Mushroom Kingdom. For a start, there’s the whole “our princess is in another castle” thing. Did Mario even check which castle Peach was in before he set out to rescue her? Rookie error. Secondly, the fact that he always wears the same clothes implies that he doesn’t have the money to splash out for anything better than his work overalls (aside from when he finds new suits in levels.) Does this mean that he also isn’t getting properly rewarded for his countless rescues of the Mushroom Kingdom’s princess? It seems then that he’s a pushover as well. Idiot.

1. Yourself

Silly names seemed like a good idea at the time, but they really diffuse the more dramatic moments of the game

The land of Ferelden is in danger, but fear not. The darkspawn hordes are powerless against the might of the Grey Warden, Dick Salami. So yeah, giving me a choice over my character’s name was probably not a good idea. In fact, most of the choices I make in open-ended games are pretty dumb. For all the hating I’ve been doing on other game characters, the moment I get the reins I’m easily the dumbest protagonist of all. I’m sure there are also others who make as many ridiculous decisions as myself. Let’s take a long hard look at ourselves in the mirror before we judge.

Any other stupid heroes you want to condemn? Throw out your opinions in the comments below.