Grand Theft Auto 5 is nearly upon us. Leaks, spoilers, footage and other such annoyances haven’t been enough to distill our interest and excitement. There are tons of things one can do in the game, such as robbing banks, robbing ATMs, robbing civilians, robbing police and robbing stores…and we’re fairly certain we haven’t covered all the different forms of robbing. While mass thievery is all well and awesome, we decided to take a step back and prioritize our primary objectives upon touching down in Los Santos.
10. Throwing People Out of Planes Without Parachutes
We’ve heard about sky-diving from airplanes and the amount of time it takes to reach the ground. However, what about throwing people out of airplanes without parachutes? The sensation of seeing our three heroes flailing about in the air as the wind rushes through their limbs and gravity invites them to meet their un-maker? We could never get tired of that. We could go to hell for torturing them, but we could never get tired of it.
9. The Long, Long Drive
Los Santos and Blaine County are huge. Compare them to the likes of Toronto (the real one) and it’s amazing how they match up in terms of scale. While this world is full of possibilities and activities, we’re more interested in driving around the whole place and just watching life play out. Why? Because more than anything else, it’s a joy to just see how Rockstar made it all possible – and make no mistake, it shouldn’t be possible – on current gen hardware.
8. Running Over People
Of course, the inverse of the long drive is mowing people down. It must be the way that it’s handled now or just by the fact that civilians rag-doll so convincingly, but running people over looks like a ton of fun in GTA V. We can’t even remember the last time an open world game let us drive a car from the cockpit perspective, thus watching the souls of puny mortals bounce off the hood from the first person. Carmageddon indeed.
7. Taking on the Police
As with any Grand Theft Auto, we’re keen to see what the police can throw at us this time. Sure, we won’t get Murderbots, aliens, UFOs, rolling droids and Wardrens arriving to stomp us down like in Saints Row IV. But given that the FIB will be returning and dishing out what special forces and helicopters to maintain low and order, we’re interested to see how the new cover and abilities will help us.
6. Aerial Supremacy
We already know that we’ll be able to pilot fighter jets in order to wreck chaos across the world of Los Santos. But will we be able to get into dog fights with the army? Will anti-aircraft missiles be used? Can we use anti-aircraft missiles? Or will we just be going around blowing up bridges and making people’s lives miserable from the comfort of a jet? Regardless, destruction. That is all.
5. Carrying Out Heists
We’ll be honest: We have no idea what to expect aside from the prospect that, yes, there will be a mission that pays homage to Heat and yes, we will be rappelling down the side of a building and asking our sniper to give us cover. Will it outdo a game like PayDay 2? Considering that game didn’t have the benefit of switchable characters, abilities and friggin’ fighter jets, we believe so. Will there be heists that we can play over and over again with different crews to gauge the differences? Will there be different ranks of missions, with harder objectives giving us better ranks? Regardless, bring on the bank robbery.
4. Hunting for Big Foot
It (he? she?) exists. We just know it. No matter what happens, we’re going to find this urban legend. Far from studying its exotic origins or even keeping the myth alive, doing our part to propagate it through the annals of history, we’re going to murder and mount that suckah. We’re also interested in trying out our abilities on those killer bears and other creatures, just because. Could we hunt pandas too? No sense in not dreaming.
3. Building a Steady Car Collection
The world of Grand Theft Auto 5 is huge, as we’ve pointed out time and time again. We want to own this goddamn monstrosity of a world. We want to purchase properties and have ordinary denizens fall to their knees to kiss our rings when we pass. We might not have the latter, but one of the benefits of amassing so much wealth in GTA 5 is having our own garage full of exotic beauties and then sitting back to admit that crime, indeed, does pay.
2. GTA Online
As fun as all of the above is, we’d love to do it with friends. The more the merrier, even if it means it’ll be raining bodies in Los Santos. Because screw the weather; we’re going to make it rain even if it kills us (get it?).
1. Just Having Fun
Grand Theft Auto 5 has a boat-load of things to do. It has so many things to do that in fact, you could fit them into TWO boats. That’s the scale of activities and side-missions. We may have frame rate troubles (as has been reported in some of the leaks) and sure, we may wax eloquently about how this would be better suited to next-gen consoles. But honestly, we’re looking forward to just hunkering down and enjoying this epic, sprawling mass of a game at last.
What are you looking forward to doing in Grand Theft Auto 5? Let us know below.